It was an odd weekend, beginning on Friday with a match that started off very ordinarily and got progressively worse, and finishing on Saturday with a match in which one team was very ordinary and the other forgot to turn up. But all I can do is tell you what I saw.

At Anglesea Road on Friday, Merrion batted first, and began as per usual: Dom Joyce played some nice shots while Kade Beasley mixed watchful defence with his hoik behind square leg. In the 12th over Dom was bowled by Graham McDonnell for 24, and Ben Ackland followed in McDonnell's next over, chipping a catch to Brian O'Rourke.

John Anderson joined Beazo and the pair ground their way to drinks at 76-2 and on into the 34th over, when Anderson, who had finally shown some aggression, was lbw to Brooks for 29 with the total on 108. Damian Poder immediately started pinching singles, and was lucky to survive on a couple off occasions.

Beazo, who had been dropped on 34, nurdled and hoiked his way to fifty in the 41st over, and fell to a miscue to the keeper off McDonnell for 66 in the 43rd over. Matt Petrie and Simon Morrissey quickly succumbed to Brooks to make it 165-6. Rory Allright survived a stumping chance, Podes holed out for 39 and then Rory was bowled for 10.

Nobody would have noticed if nine, ten, Jack hadn't been dealt, and Merrion were all out 195 in 48.2 overs, 30 short of what even their unambitious batting should have yielded. Barry McCarthy finished with 3/20, McDonnell with 3/40 and Anthony Brooks with 3/31.

Here was Pembroke's chance to get a first league win of the season. All they had to do was bat for 50 overs, keep out Matt Petrie and help themselves to the freebies that would come from an attack that was decidedly gummy in the absence of slow left-armer Tiktish Patel. And did they? Did they ****!!

Andrew Balbirnie was so surprised to get a ball on the stumps that he shovelled it to Ben Ackland at square leg. In the seventh over Brian O'Rourke, still on 0, was turned round by Matt Petrie to be lbw. After 11 overs Pembroke were 33-2, eight of them off the bat. Anthony Brooks and Graham McDonnell then started to hit the ball to the boundary, both survived easy chances and after 15 overs it was 50-2 and looking good.

A couple of showers interrupted proceedings, one over was lost, the target reduced to 194. Before the second break Jeff Short had realised that his medium pacers (himself included) were worse than useless and introduced John Anderson's leggies. McDonnell couldn't resist and was caught for 31. Ryan Hopkins didn't pick Anderson 's straight one and was lbw, making it 96-4 in the 28th over.

100 in 20 overs should have been a doddle, even given that Anderson and Poder bowled well, but Brooks had done his gastropod imitation, finally emerging from his shell to hit Poder for a straightish six to reach fifty. By now Ben Ackland was displaying his suspect action, and the ball was straighter than his arm to bowl a surprised Brooks for 58. There were still five and a bit overs to get 37 more runs, but only Theo Lawson had a clue.

He was unbeaten on 26 as his mates got out to Simon Morrissey and his brother ran himself out. Pembroke also batted 48.2 overs, but only scored 172. Second top scorer was Ernie Extra with 52, 39 of them by Willie Wides. So the 'Broke actually got over 53 overs to score 120 off the bat, half by the pro, a quarter by McDonnell, a fifth by Lawson, and the remaining five by the other eight.

Matt Petrie took 2/18 off his ten, Morrissey took 3/26 off 8.2 and Anderson 2/26 off 8. Merrion got 24 points, and deserved about eight. Pembroke got one more than they deserved.

After a bottle of a 1988 St. Emilion Grand Cru on Friday night, I was in the mood to be entertained on Saturday. I should have gone to the pictures or, better still, to the Emirates (I've never been inside a bookie's in my life, Del Boy will be pleased to know). As it was, I was in Park Avenue to watch Railway seconds play The Hills stuck in second gear. Reverse would have done the job!

Railway, missing a few first team regulars, thought they would prolong the game past the tea interval if they asked The Hills to bat first. They got Jeremy Bray for a duck in the second over, well taken at slip by Greg Lambert off Mohammed Tariq. They then had an outbreak of dropsy until the 35th over, when Druv Kapoor finally held on to one off Kenny Carroll to get rid of Mike Baumgart for 60 out of 152.

Baumgart had batted well enough, if slowly, working a V either side of the wicket. Albert van der Merwe used his height to prop onto the front foot and drive. But, Lambert apart, the bowling was at best second rate. Chief butterfingers was 'keeper Sam Farthing, normally a decent operator. He dropped Albert and Mike in quick succession off Lambert, and Kenny Carroll's response was to take Lambert off and bowl himself!

The Hills had been 130-1 off 30 overs, and so on the basis of the statistics of which Willsy is such an admirer, they should have got at least 260. Kenny also got Michael O'Herlihy, Farthing finally held on to one off Lambert to account for Sorensen, and Albert survived two more drops before departing for 87.

That The Hills got much above 220 was due entirely to good batting at the death from Thomas Murphy (25) and Mark Dwyer (34*). Murphy has looked good since he came into the side recently. That was Mark's first score over thirty all season. So much for statistics! The 50 over total was 251-7, with Lambert better than his 3/51 would suggest. More statistics!

What Disraeli (or was it Gladstone ?) actually said was 'Lies, damned lies and expert witnesses.' I've never claimed to be an expert on any aspect of cricket except umpiring (which is why the thought police don't like me – they know I'm usually right). But we could do with some expert witnesses on a couple of bowling actions.

John Wills knows as much about bowling as anybody in Leinster , and so does Matt Dwyer, so why don't we use the pair of them to look the bowling of, for example, Ben Ackland, and Rohit Bisla of Railway (just his attempted doosra)? They shouldn't need videos, but give them those anyway, and let them help those two cricketers. Anything would be better than the pair of them whingeing at my tongue-in-cheek 'predictions'!

The Railway response lasted as long as Kenny Carroll and Tom Fisher did. They put on 65 untroubled runs in 18 overs before Fisher miscued one of Jeremy Bray's little seamers to Michael O'Herlihy for 25. Conor Mullen then missed a straight one and Druv Kapor nicked off in the same over to make it 65-3.

James Rogan then clung on to a decent catch off Mark Dwyer to dismiss Carroll for 36, and it was game over as Mark and Albert van der Merwe picked the low-hanging fruit of Railway's lower order. Mark Ingram (20) and Sam Farthing (24 – dropped twice to exact some recompense) delayed matters for a while with a stand of 40.

Railway were all out for 142 in 43.3 overs, Mark Dwyer taking 4/21, Jeremy Bray 3/22 and Albert van der Merwe 2/40. That left Willsy plenty of time to get home and tickle the keys, while I went across the road to watch the Lazarus that was the Pembroke tail make 40+ for the ninth wicket to beat the Zombies of Anglesea Road. Well done, the 'Broke!