I happened to sit down in the lounge when my wife was watching one of those period dramas on TV that women seem to love so much when there was a brief cricket scene.
A man with a moustache that would have done Merv Hughes proud delivered a ball with an action that was as dodgy as his facial hair. The ball then proceeded to clatter into the stumps at which point 19th century Merv felt it was well worth an appeal. Despite the glorious sunshine the umpire was wearing a white coat that was long enough and heavy enough to have served his future great grandchildren well in the trenches in the Great War. He shook his head to indicate not out with such vigour it reminded me of a Jack Russell with a baby rabbit. (The dog, not the wicketkeeper, for those of you who are reading with a hangover). Cut to the boundary edge, where a finely dressed lady clapped delicately in her white gloves shouting ‘Fine shot' as we could see in the background the batsman walking off following his dismissal and subsequent not out decision.
The scene was wrong on so many levels but it captured the quaint eccentricity of cricket. The director of the period drama had obviously not been to a game in the North West. Had the previous scene occurred at The Rectory in a say, Glendermott versus Brigade fixture, the young lady's picnic would have been ruined by the PSNI's District Mobile Support Unit storming the pitch trying to break up a free for all riot involving players umpires and crowd. Don't you just love NW cricket!
Last year during one of many free Saturday's due to a combination of playing in an 8 team league and the bizarre fixture scheduling I wandered into Lurgan Park to witness Victoria seconds playing Donaghadee seconds. I was waiting for my 10 year old daughter to emerge from the Waves swimming pool and had enough time to watch about 10 or 11 overs of cricket. There were a lot of people in the Park although not to watch the cricket. They were there to walk their dogs or ride their bikes or generally just go for a stroll.
The pace of the game was much like the period drama. There were slow loopy deliveries which were agriculturally heaved by black-socked batsmen to legside. The ball was chased down by portly elderly gentlemen who preferred the risk of a heart attack to an afternoon being dragged around Marks and Spencer by their wives. In fact the main difference between the Lurgan Park match and the period drama television equivalent was the lack of white coated umpires and multi coloured blazers. However I was able to find a handle-bar moustache and could spot a couple of young ladies having a picnic. Although in fairness they weren't wearing their Sunday best probably because they didn't want it ruined by being run over by a hoodie on a BMX.
This must be the image most people have of cricket as a sport. A slow gentle paced game played by people who are unfit. To persuade the masses otherwise they would need to go and see a match where there are fast bowlers. In fact fast bowlers are the one commodity that separates decent club cricket from village green stuff. The faster the ball is delivered, the faster it comes off the bat or not as the case may be. The fielders need to react quicker and it takes a certain amount of physical courage to play the sport.
Maybe I am being harsh on Victoria and Donaghadee seconds. Last season I remember witnessing a NCU Challenge Cup match between Lurgan and Derriaghy and my recollection was one of a diet of slow medium paced deliveries most of which were called wide. No joy there then. Perhaps the North Down /Waringstown game at The Lawn would persuade me otherwise. Well, Peter Connell was involved with the Ireland set up and Taimur Khan isn't what he used to be. The Waringstown attack was so dull it would have put an incurable insomniac to sleep.
Back in 1992 the Waringstown treble winning team had Ireland fast/medium bowlers Paul McCrum, Alan and Noel Nelson backed up by medium pacers Alvin Spence and Brian Sturgeon. Garfield Harrison was the sole spin bowler.
The 2008 vintage had an initial burst from the affable Simon Harrison who is now only marginally faster than Uncle Garfield and my good mate Simon Stokes who has played through so many injuries his body makes more noise clicking, snicking, creaking and cracking running into bowl that he could be a sound double for a steam engine. The television snickometer machine would be broken from overload before he even reached the popping crease. After those two it was an endless diet of spin bowling which I found thoroughly depressing. When the result was beyond doubt the Waringstown captain finally gave the ball to Stuart Kidd.
Stuarty at least hurried the batsmen and although a well set Ryan Haire swatted the bouncer off his face into the next field his two or three overs provided the only brief moments of spectator excitement in the afternoon.
Now I am not writing this to have a go at Waringstown, Victoria, Lurgan or anyone else. I am writing this to start a campaign to bring back fast bowlers and encourage them back into our cricket. Not only do fast bowlers send a shiver of excitement through the opposition when they arrive to play a match they also put spectators into the grounds. Fans want to be entertained and I believe our cricket would benefit enormously if every team had 3 or 4 fast bowlers instead of 3 or 4 spin bowlers.
This should not have any effect on over rates either. There is absolutely no reason why teams cannot bowl their overs in under three hours even if they bowl 50 overs of seam.
When I went to the West Indies with the Grasshoppers in 2005 I noticed that there was no medium paced bowling in the opposition teams. They played 3 quick bowlers and two spinners or 4 quick bowlers and one spinner. There must have been a ban on ‘dinky dobblers' or else it's a machismo thing. If you couldn't bowl quickly you didn't embarrass yourself by trying to bowl quickly.
Recently Ireland have teamed up with Jamaica in developing cricket links so I would like to see clubs who use professionals hire some young fast bowlers from the Caribbean. Get them to run workshops to encourage people to take up fast bowling and provide some positive role models.
Some years ago I played in a match between Ireland Universities and Wales Universities when one of our batsmen was hit so hard between the legs by the opening bowler that the delivery broke his box in two. Makes your eyes water doesn't it?
I remember Charlie Beverland of North trying to hook Lurgan's Alan Johnston and getting a thin edge onto his forehead. Tom Guy caught the deflection and umpire raised his finger. Once Charlie had been revived he wanted to bat on not realising the umpire was still standing with his finger in the air. He left the field walking like Trevor Berbick after facing Mike Tyson in 1986.
And can anyone remember the mess Malcolm Marshall made of Mike Gattings face with a nasty bumper? How awesome was that?
The public will come and watch our sport again and part with their cash over the bar when its image is not slow and fuddy duddy but young, fast and fit. The average punter will come and watch when he is convinced he couldn't do better himself.
The indoor nets provide a great opportunity to measure how quick bowlers can be. If we can get our hands on a speedometer or two I would love to get everyone involved in going to each club and measuring the speed of our local bowlers. We could have an competition for the fastest bowler in each club and an award for the quickest in each Union.
By measuring the average speed over say six legitimate deliveries and ensuring the ball lands within a certain generous area then it would be fun for everyone to have a go. All of the information could be gathered and at the end of the process a 'quick' list could be published. Forget the batting and bowling averages, this would be the coolest list to be top.